Adults are well aware of how much stress can affect our everyday lives. The pressures of work, bills and caring for a family weigh heavily on many people’s shoulders. Parents especially try to shield their children from these worries, hoping to give them a childhood free from worry.
But kids still experience stress, whether they’re aware of our grown up problems or not. School, peer pressure or changes to their routine can all feel overwhelming for children. Parents and grandparents probably can’t give their children a stress-free life, but they can help them learn to cope with it in a healthy way.
Good stress vs. Bad stress
People tend to view stress in a completely negative light. Long-term stress is linked to a number of health issues, such as depression, high blood pressure, heart disease and obesity.1 It can also leave us feeling nervous and tired, may cause a loss of appetite or overeating, or could affect the quality of our sleep.
However, stress isn’t always a bad thing. In small doses, it can actually be useful. Stress can help us work faster, motivate us to finish a task, and may even help us become “immune” to bigger stressful events.2 For children, a little stress could help them study for exams, motivate them to complete schoolwork or help them overcome their fears.
Some research even suggests that the way we think about stress could keep us healthy. One study found that people who experienced a lot of stress, but didn’t view it as harmful, were less likely to die prematurely than the other groups studied.3 This included people who experienced a lot of stress and believed it to be harmful, as well as those who reported relatively little stress! This may mean that when we view stress as a helpful motivator, we’re less likely to experience negative side effects from it.
Recognising stress in children and teens
Most people are in tune with their own signs of stress, but may not recognise similar signals in their children or grandchildren. Young children may complain about physical symptoms, such as head or tummy aches. Excessive trips to the school nurse or illness in certain situations (like before a test) may mean your child is feeling significant stress, especially if they’ve been given a clean bill of health by your GP.
Younger children may also express stress in other ways. Crying or becoming overly afraid in inappropriate settings, clinging to a parent or teacher, and trouble eating or sleeping (either too much or too little) may also be signs of stress in a child.
Recognising stress in teenagers can be a bit trickier. Many signs of significant stress could also be interpreted as normal teenage behaviour. Things like acting irritable or moody, avoiding parents, withdrawing from activities they used to enjoy or abandoning long-time friends for a new group could all be signs of excessive stress in teens. Whilst this type of behaviour isn’t always a sign of stress, parents and grandparents should pay attention and decide what an appropriate response may be.
Both children and teens may lack the language to talk about their stress. Instead, they may describe their feelings as “worried,” “annoyed,” “angry,” or “confused.” Kids may also express anger at themselves or the world in general when feeling stressed out. Statements, such as “No one likes me” or “Everything is stupid” could be their way of expressing this.
Helping kids deal with stress
If your child or grandchild is experiencing significant stress, there are actions you can take to help. Providing a sympathetic ear, advice or coping skills could all help your child learn to deal with stress.
- Be mindful of potentially stressful events. Moving house, starting or changing schools, the death of a family member, and social or academic pressure could all trigger anxiety for children or teens. Kids also pay more attention to adults than we may realise. They may feel stressed about unemployment or unhappy relationships between the adults in their lives.
- Let them to talk about their feelings. Talking about stress can help relieve it. Lend a sympathetic ear, and let your child or grandchild talk without judgement. It may take some time for them to open up completely (especially with teenagers), so don’t get discouraged or push them to talk when they aren’t ready.
- Offer advice, if asked. Sometimes just talking through a problem can help children and teens calm down on their own. However, your child may ask you for advice in a stressful situation. Offer your support or suggest getting other adults, like a teacher or coach, involved if that’s more appropriate.
- Encourage healthy habits. How we treat our bodies can help us cope with stress. Offer your child healthy food options, rather than sweets or processed snacks. Encourage them to be physically active, with lots of opportunity for outdoor play or sport. It may be best to get the entire family involved by planning healthy meals, going on nightly walks or organising outings to a local park.
- Limit screen time. Using technology—smartphones, computers, tablets, even television—could cause stress in kids and teens. The pressure to keep up with what friends are doing, online bullying or the constant stream of information may feel overwhelming. Limiting their screen time could help. Ban screens from the dinner table, plan regular family game nights or encourage them to read an actual book instead of using a tablet.
- Be a good role model. Children often learn by observing the adults around them. They may be taking cues from you on how to deal (or not deal) with stress. Consider how you cope, whether it’s positive or negative. Work on using healthy coping strategies yourself, and model them for your kids.
- Know when to get help. As a parent or grandparent, you want to be there for the children in your life. However, some problems may require some outside help. If your child continues to experience excessive stress, it may be beneficial for them to speak with a counsellor or child psychologist.
Getting along
Stress is a normal part of our everyday lives, and it’s important for kids to know that everyone experiences it. Whilst some events can feel overwhelming for children, they can also be teaching opportunities. Learning healthy ways to cope with stress at a young age could help kids and teens deal with more stressful experiences as adults.
Looking for easy ways to deal with stress in your life? Try our 10 tips for de-stressing your day.
1. Health Navigator, Stress
2. Psychology Today, Why Some Stress Is Good for You
3. TED, How to make stress your friend
About Author: Momentum Life is a leading provider of Life insurance and Funeral insurance in New Zealand.
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